Poncho's and Parties
by lili-bella-black
Summary: Sirius is a moron. He likes ski boots and ponchos. So why is Lily kissing him in the corridor? To make James jealous of course!
1. Shut up Sirius!

James Potter picked up his transfiguration textbook and threw it as hard as he could at the suit of armour which was once again singing, "We Three Squibs," in what was supposed to be a festive gesture.

"Good one James, at least the metal man can sing better than Sirius here." Remus gestured at his other friend, who's voice was now clearly audible now that the armour had been silenced. James sat back down round the table in the common room looking agitated.

"We still haven't decided where to hold our Christmas Party this year," he said to the occupants of the chairs around him.

"Sorry mate, didn't catch that!" Shouted a boy from near the fire, his voice competing with Sirius's shrill rendition of, "God rest ye, merry hippogriffs," a personal favourite of his.

"I SAID..." James yelled, and realising he could equal himself to Sirius's level of nose, flicked his wand and Sirius flew out of site.

"My buttocks did not deserve that James," Sirius said gravely, emerging from being the sofa and massaging his backside.

"I said we still haven't decided on where to hold out Christmas Party, Octavius," James said calmly to the boy near the sofa, ignoring the fact that Sirius was now asking every girl in the vicinity to kiss his buttocks better, many of which obliged.

"How 'bout Peters? He lives in the middle of nowhere don't he? Could make a racket and no one would hear us!" Octavius suggested excitedly.

"Peter will be lucky to do anything this Christmas, " Remus said darkly.

"He's currently suffering a large bout of Spattergoit." Remus was secretely pleased that Peter would therefore not be attending the party. His dancing left all to be desired and was nothing short of embarassing.

"We could go to yours, James," Sirius had returned with a large grin on his handsome features and sat down in the chair next to James.

"And endure a whole evening of, "Oh _James _dear, _do _be careful, mummy doesn't want her little baby-boo getting too drunk!" he replied mockingly.

"Oh yes, I forgot, mummy likes to look after her little Jimmy-Jams," Sirius chuckled earning himself a punch in the stomach.

"Remus, what about your place?" Lily Evans asked from behind a muggle book called, "Wuthering Heights." Remus looked slightly uncomfortable but James understood.

"I'm afraid that won't be possible." James chuckled. "He has a little furry problem that might cause an accident." Remus looked at James with an expression of fear and shock. James however knew that only Remus, Sirius and himself really understood this comment to mean Remus's transformations into a werewolf, and was shocked when Octavius replied,

"I completely understand, mate." Remus looked stunned.

"You...you do?"

"Yes." He nodded gravely. "I, myself own a particularly vicious pet. Chub-Chub, my rabbit, would bite anything given half the chance." He looked around the others sadly. "She's the reason no one can come to mine anymore. I feel your pain Remus. Evil pets...awful...just awful..." He trailed off, his eyes watering. James caught Remus's eye and looked away quickly for fear of laughing. Fighting to keep a straight face he said,

"Any suggestions, Sirius?"

"Kill the rabbit, " Sirius replied confidently. "There's enough evil in this

world without killer rabbits."

"I meant the party, you dolt!" James replied exasperatedly pinching his friend on the arm.

"Oh, right...sorry." He said hastily rubbing his arm. "Well, not mine. You know what my mum is like."

Several people around the table raised their eyebrows as if to say, "We all have mothers, how bad can yours be?" Sirius clearly picked up on this because a second later he was on his feet demonstrating just how awful his mother was.

"EVIL MUGGLES, HALF-BREEDS, MUDBLOODS AND SCUM!" He pointed to several people around. He said this, an ugly look on his face.

"LEAVE MY HOUSE OF FACE MY WRATH!" He screamed and brandished his wand in their faces.

"Stick to what your good at Sirius and that definately isn't acting." A third year boy laughed from behind the sofa. Sirius looked thoughtful for a

second.

"You know, that isn't actually a bad idea..." He said slowely. "I think I'm a better singer!" And before James could stop him he began badly rehearsed version of, "Pumpkins Roasting on an Open Fire."

The occupants of the surrounding chairs decided at that moment that it was their cue to leave and all fought to climb out of the portrait hole at once.

Hey thankyou if you get to the end of this! Reviews are much appreciated, and if you want more check out my website

more marauders tales, unexpected potter endings etc. The next chapter is up next week!


	2. Why does my neck hurt?

**Thankyou very much for your review!**

**Enjoy the chapter!**

**The sound of music and laughter was flowing thick and fast through the walls of the youth centre. After what seemed like months of debate, the Hogwarts students decided that a muggle venue was best suited to the occasion.  
**

**The theme for this years Christmas party was "muggles," which the wizards and witches hoped would demonstrate unity between all people in the troubled times in which they were living.  
**

**Most of the sixth year students were now happily dancing the night away with the exception of a few slytherin pure blood maniacs, and Severus Snape who had not even been invited. **

**A few people had mentioned, although nothing was confirmed, that when Snape learned about the party from which he had been excluded, his eyes had begun to water. This was quickly masked however with a sneer and a promise that he would never associate himself with "mudbloods" and "muggles."  
**

**James Potter laughed jovially as his best friend drunkenly attempted to dance in the pair of ski boots he had come wearing.**

**Sirius, unfortunately had no concept of muggle attire, and was dressed rather bizarrely. **

**It had to be said that the boots were the most alarming item, but his kilt and poncho was enough to make Lily Evans laugh outright at him, something that she would usually have tried to refrain from.  
**

**"More Vodka James?" Remus handed him a shot glass.  
**

**"Why yes, indeed," James replied doing an uncanny impression of the headmaster, Dumbledore.**

**Remus laughed an unusually loud laugh and staggered off to join Sirius who was now failing to pull of the moonwalk.**

**James looked bleary eyed around at the dancing drunks, all of whom, in James' opinion looked like real prats.  
**

**At that moment, Sirius staggered over, a very pretty girl whom James had never met, on him arm. She giggled and blushed when she noticed James looking at her.  
**

**"James, this is...Juniper, Juniper this is...Juniper, and James...I'm Sirius," he mumbled drunkenly imploring James to acknowledge the girl now attempting to pull him back to the dance floor.  
**

**"Geroff..." He mumbled nudging the girl away from him, who tripped and fell onto the floor where she stayed wailing in time to the song.  
**

**"Tonight," Sirius gestured melodramatically,"...is the night of luurve."  
**

**James merely chuckled at his friend's behaviour. Sirius slid an arm round James's shoulders.  
**

**"Look at all the people. Even Peter's taking a swine...heeheee...sorry! Shine, to a girly!" Sirius had suddenly come over all giggly. **

**James looked over to where Sirius was pointing, and noted Peter chatting to a girl. He was swaying his hips from side to side, trying to look "sexy." **

**James resolved to tease him about it in the morning and took a picture using the camera on the side for good measure.  
**

**James was also beginning to feel a bit giddy, the various glasses of punch and shots of unidentifiable drinks was catching up on him. He glanced sideways at Sirius who was eating the face off of yet another girl, whom James had never seen.  
**

**Octavius Jones had now walked over and started to pull James over to the dance floor. As confident as James was, he was not yet drunk enough to dance. **

**He knew he had no rhythm but did not want everyone else in the year to know that the most popular boy in school could not dance.  
**

**Octavius sensed James's hesitation because he handed him yet another drink which James drunk without thought. **

**The effect was almost immediate. The world started to spin, the floor was on the ceiling...people were walking on the ceiling, all of them in another realm. **

**The music was pulsating through the room, separate from the gangs of teenagers who were all dancing in time.  
**

**James realised with an urge of excitement that no one else could see him. He began to dance, swaying his arms in time to the music, bopping his head to the beat and stamping his feet, a little out of time, but who cared? No one could see him.  
**

**James sensed that people were looking in his direction, but to him they seemed blind to his actions, out of touch with his reality.  
**

**Urged on by his newfound confidence, James's dancing became more elaborate. His arms doing small flicks and his feet turning this way and that, more and more quickly. His torso and hips now joined his erratic movements and his voice found itself singing with the music.  
**

**Sirius had detatched himself from a girl whose name he did not know and looked around the room. He chuckled appretiatively at James's dancing and helped himself to another shot.**

**Again the effects were instantaneous and he staggered over to join his friend who was now attempting "the worm" on the floor with the result that every person in the room was now staring with intense amusement.  
**

**Mistletoe was hanging in bunches over the hall, which meant that soon the other people on the dance floor had distracted themselves with the person standing next to them.**

**More drinks were being poured and soon the teenagers were all too drunk to care about James and Sirius's dancing and within half an hour, most of the occupants of the hall were lying on the floor, dead to the world or kissing whoever was in arms of reach.  
**

**Only James seemed to be the only one left dancing, the effects of the alcohol not quite worn off yet.**

**As he danced, he watched with amusement his friends drunkenly kissing people that they would regret in the morning. His eyes rested on Remus, his quietest friend. **

**He chuckled to himself that it was always the quiet ones he had to watch. Remus was usually so reserved and sensible when it came to girls. Not tonight however. **

**Remus was kissing and entwined in the arms of a very pretty girl, with brilliant long hair.  
**

**James stared. He knew that girl. And he knew his friend knew that he knew that girl and that girl knew that he knew her that he knew her. **

**In his drunken confusion, James concluded that the matter could only be settled by biting his friend's head off.**

**No head, no kissing; he concluded serious and launched himself on his unsuspecting friend.  
**

**Remus did not have time to react. He found himself torn from a current state of bliss, to a considerable amount of pain. He lashed out blindly, hitting a solid object and hearing it yelp. He left to his feet and looked down. **

**Lily Evans was lying, drunkenly at the foot of a chair. James was scrawling around on the floor still punching wildly at a jacket left by someone.  
**

**Remus reached up and felt his neck which was now throbbing with pain. He concluded, rather wearily, that his best friend had just bit him. **

**As for the reason, he had no idea. The next thing he knew, he was falling into darkness. **

The students awoke the next morning to find themselves lying on a dusty floor littered with streamers and empty bottles. Odd couples found themselves lying in uncompromising positions that they had no idea of how they'd got into.

**From outside the hall came sounds of vomiting people and groans of pain.  
**

**Remus lifted his head and immediately regretted it. His head was pounding and for some reason his neck felt very sore, but had no recollection as to why.  
**

**James sat up looking around equally confused. He also had no idea what had happened the night before. He pulled himself shakily to his feet and glanced around at the people on the floor.**

**Remus and Sirius looked dead, and his eyes rested for a moment on the stunningly pretty Lily Evans, who was sleeping peacefully. James smiled to himself, despite the urge he had to throw up.  
**

**He staggered over towards the table littered with Polaroid's. He laughed slightly at the picture of Peter's outrageous attempts at flirting. The movement of the pictures illuminated his hips swaying and battered his eyelids.  
**

**His eyes scanned the various pictures of kissing couples, all of whom would not remember each other this morning. His eyes found a picture of someone dancing. **

**Intrigued by the hideousness of the movements and confident look on the man's face, he raised the picture to his own eye level, and realised with a thrill of horror that the man on the picture was in fact him.  
**

**He tore the picture into as many fragments as he could manage and stashed them into his back pocket.  
**

**This was a secret, he thought grimly, that he would take to the grave.**

**I hope you liked the chapter, please submit your views, they will be much appreciated. Remember, if you want more, you can check out my website, and the next chapter will be posted next week!**

**luv**

**lilixx**


	3. Window condensation?

**"Please, I'll do anything," cried a terrified Peter Pettigrew as his captor held him over the edge of the mountain. He could see the declining drop and the flat of the mountain hundreds of feet before him. The grip on his arm tightened.  
**

**"Are you scared, Peter Pottygrew? Not as brave as your friends are you?" Sneered the voice from behind him. Peter blanched. He considered his friends for a moment. After all they had done for him, and he could not even repay them in one single act of courage. He stood there, trembling as always, too terrified to do the one thing he was asked to do...  
**

**"I...I can't!" He gasped in terror as he was pushed closer and closer to the descent. In one moment, Peter was forced roughly over the side of the mountain. Forgetting all that his ski instructor had taught him, he fell down into the icy snow below.  
**

**"That was really cruel Sirius!" Lily Evans shouted at Peter's captor. "Didn't it register in your acorn sized brain that Peter did not want to ski down the mountain?"  
**

**Sirius black laughed. "If we didn't do everything Peter didn't, we'd still be in our mother's wombs!" It had been Sirius's idea to go skiing, ever since he'd learned what his ski boots were for at the annual Christmas party.  
**

**"Don't know about you but I'm freezing my cheeks off up here, and I don't mean the ones on my face." James Potter glowered his bickering friends. "Can we _go _now?"  
Lily Evans sighed exasperatedly and tossed her mane of red hair out of her eyes. Giving Sirius one final look of contempt she launched herself off from the top of the mountain and ski'd down magnificently.  
**

**"Oh no!" Remus was suddenly looking apprehensive. "She was the only one who knew how to ski!"  
**

**"You mean we're stuck up here?" Cried Octavius Jones from underneath a mass of scarfs and hats.  
**

**They all looked at each other in silence. They all knew that they faced two choices. On that they ski'd down the mountain and face the painful consequences at the bottom, or to try and live at the top of the mountain, in the freezing cold with only each other for food, and seeing as though the fattest and consequently tastiest member of the group was already laying at the bottom of the mountain, they decided with the earlier choice.  
**

**They each took a deep breath and launched themselves single file into the abyss. Lily was waiting patiently at the bottom, unscathed and cheerful, unlike Peter was sobbing and clutching a swollen wrist. Normally, his friends would have laughed at his patheticness but they were in so much pain themselves, that they were more inclined to stay quiet.  
**

**"You weren't scared were you?" Lily said with a smile playing on her lips. The boys suddenly seemed to have experienced a shot of testosterone, for they all got to their feet, despite their protesting bodies and carried themselves off to the ski lodge they were staying in, all commenting on how much fun the fall had been.  
**

**Naturally, on the other hand, Peter did not wish to pretend that he had enjoyed the experience, owled his Mother and went home within the hour. The others decided that it was not their loss, that they would have a better time without him eating his way through their supplies of chocolate and cake.  
**

**Despite the fact that it was only nine o'clock, the boys dragged themselves off to bed, blamed their tiredness on drink. Lily, deciding that it was too boring staying up with no company followed them shortly, sleeping on her own in the attic. None of them noticed the heavy snowfall which fell overnight on top of the lodge.  
**

**When they awoke, it felt like any ordinary morning. They all trooped down the stairs in their pyjamas, the boys looking tired with messy hair. Lily looked fresh and rejuvenated. The coffee was on, the toast burning and a trail of jam from one end of the table to the other. Nothing out of the ordinary.  
**

**They each then took it in turns to shower and dress, making it to the front door by ten o'clock.  
**

**"Gloves on everyone!" Octavius called like a military officer. The others stepped into line and pulled on their gloves.  
**

**"Scarves!" was the next order, followed by "Snow Boots!"  
**

**Finally, they were ready. James grabbed the door handle and pulled. Noting moved. **

**He tried again, this time using all his force. Impatiently, Sirius shoved his friend aside and tried for himself to open he front door. **

**Perplexed, he stood aside to allow Remus to have a go. Octavius tried next followed by Lily who sensibly attempted magic instead of feeble physical tactics. None of them could move the door.  
**

**"How about climbing out of the window?" Sirius suggested.  
**

**"In snow boots?" Lily scoffed. "How about we look out of the window to see what's actually blocking the door?"  
**

**Sirius blushed and moved aside for Lily to pull back the curtain.  
**

**"Can someone get me a cloth? The window's steamed up!" She called to the others who handed her one immediately. She began to rub at the window but it remained obscured.  
**

**"I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!" She screamed through gritted teeth. She stormed upstairs to look out of the top windows to see why she couldn't see through the bottom windows. She realised to her dismay that the top windows were as obscured as the bottom ones.  
**

**"Erm...Lily?" James called tentatively.  
**

**"WHAT?" Lily was becoming increasingly annoyed by now.  
**

**"I think...we're snowed in!"  
**

**"Oh...my...GOD!" Lily began to hyperventilate.  
**

**"Ok, breathe... don't choke on saliva... when...how are we going to get out?" Lily thought desperately. We're nearly out of food... how are we going to live? I'll have to eat the sofa... oh GOD I'LL HAVE TO EAT JAMES!"  
Downsrairs, everyone was becoming increasingly nervous. If Lily was worried, then there was no hope. After all the worry about Lord Voldemort, they would all die of starvation in a freezing hut on the middle of a mountain.  
**

**Maybe they would not starve after all. If one of them died of cold, then the others would have enough food for a week, and then someone else would die and they would become the chefs special of the week and so on until they would be forced to hit each other with sharp icicles to ensure that they were the last peron left. Everyone one in the room looked shiftily at each other. James thought that Remus looked the tastiest, and had a feeling he'd tried to eat him before, but could not remember why.  
**

**they were all so concerned with who they would eat first, that none of them noticed Lily walking back in.  
**

**"Im hungry!" complained Sirius. "I always have five meals a day and its time for number three!"  
**

**"Three?" James said not sounding suprised.  
**

**"Yeah early morning munchies, breakfast and mid morning snack" Sirius counted them off of his fingers.  
**

**"We have no food" Octavius reminded him. Sirius merely looked at him. Suddenly a realisation hit him. James was his best friend, Remus was his other friend and Lily was pretty so none of them deserved to be eaten, but Octavius had no real conection with the group, and he had a decent amount of flesh on him. The idea of eating Octavius became more appealing by the second.  
**

**"Ok mate, back off" Octavius stood up suddenly. Sirius was looking ready to pounce. "Eat James instead"  
**

**"No way, I'm the youngest" James cried. He was only a few weeks younger than Remus.  
**

**"How about Sirius?" Remus suggested. "He's the tallest...more meat"  
**

**"Bite me" was Sirius's reply.  
**

**_"Not_ a good thing to say to a..." James did not get to finish his sentence as he was knocked off of his feet by someone with a mane of long red hair."  
**

**James believing that the fight for his life had commenced pushed the body aside and launched himself onto the person closest to him. He found Remus's neck and bit down hard. He heard a yelp of pain, more scuffling before he was thrown backwards by a powerful blast.  
**

**Lily had her wand out and was looking around as though every person in the vincinity was armed and dangerous.  
**

**"No one will eat anyone. I'm going to the attic to see if there's a way out of my window." Lily was standing tall and strong, she knew that sensibility and determination would get them out of this mess.  
**

**"I'll go with you!" James chirped up beaming. He stood himself up and walked to Lily who eyed him warily.  
**

**"Well... ok, but any funny business and I'll hex you from here to gretna green!" James grinned to his friends, all lying on the floor, looking suspiciously at each other and marched up the steps behind Lily **

**ok guys hope you liked that chapter! The next chapter is actually ready and done! I will update very quickly if i recieve some reviews! If not then I'll put the chapter up anyway but on next Tuesday! Just depends on whether people want the next chapter, so please let me know!**

**Heres a sneak preview **

**"Shut up Sirius, I don't think anyone should take a man in a pink poncho seriously!" Lily cut in.**

**"Is it just because I'm a marauder?" Sirius replied cheekily.**

**"Yes" was the simple reply.**

**"Didn't stop you before" Octaivius snickered.**

**"Meaning?"**

**"Two words- Christmas and Party"**


	4. Three out of four marauders

A huge, huge thankyou to phoenixtear19, my one and only reviewer! This chapters for you! Hope you enjoy!

"I'm more worried about them two finishing each other off, then I am about starving to death" Remus looked pointedly at the stairs, up which James and Lily had just decended.

"At least if one kills the other, we wont have to decide who to eat first" Sirius said calmly. The others merely stared at him.

Upstairs, the arguments had already begun.

"I do not care how hungry you best friends is James, he is NOT eating my pygmy puff!" Lily was begning to get annoyed. James was determined to make Lily see reason.

"If he just had a snack, everyone would be happy! And we'd escape and then I could fullfull my dream of marrying you and having fourteen children! We'd call them James Junior, Jamesina, Jimmy..." he was cut short by a short blow to the head.  
Lily walked on ahead pretending to be unaware of the fact that James was now complaining about everything that she didn't care about. She reached the top of the stairs and went into the attic.

"James- look!" she squealed pointing out of the window forgetting her annoyance immediately. The window looked as though it was just above the ground. The snow had laid so thick that almost the entire house was immersed in it.

"Is it safe to climb out do you think?" James opened the window a fraction and prodded the snow with his finger.

"Don't know until we try it!" Lily replied swinging her leg over window.

"No! It might be dangerous!" James yelped grabbing Lily by the waist and pulling her back inside.

"James you pratt!" Lily had fallen on top of James and they were now both lying in a heap on the floor.

"We have to test it somehow!"

!Then let me take the risk, for you are too precious!" James said dramatically, standing up and placing a hand on his chest.

"Oh, don't be a martyr James" Lily sighed and climbed back onto the windowsill ignoring James's objections.  
She tested the snow with one foot, with each tread emphasising her weight. Eventually she lifted herself off of the windowsill placing both feet on the snow. James watched nervously as she began to walk away from the window.

Lily walked slowly and carefully around the house to see how they could escape. Unfortunately, it looked like they were stuck. The only way out was to climb up the steep slopes surrounding the house, a risky task. However, Lily thought, it was either that or sit with the others debating who would eat who.

"Right, get everyone out here James" she commanded, deciding that now was the time for action.

"Tell everyone to wrap up warm, wear ski boots and bring ropes or anything else we can use for climbing."

Within five minutes, the group were assembled, nervously on the snow next to Lily, Sirius wearing a pink poncho over his ski coat.

"We have to climb up that?" Remus asked looking at the slope.

"It's the only way, and since this is a muggle holiday and no one has wands, we have to climb out the muggle way!" was Lily's reply.

"I told you we should have been allowed wands!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Right and spend the whole holiday watching you turn James hair pink when he's not looking?" Lily returned.

"That was you?" James glared at Sirius who merely glared at Lily, who glared at Octavius.

"WHAT?" Octavius cried.

"You haven't said anything!"

"I know so why are you glaring at me?"

"Because I know your going to critice something, so I'm glaring in advance!"

"No i wasn't!"

Lily glared at him.

"Only that we really should have our wands."

Lily glared still.

"Sorry" he added looking away.

The group moved silently to the foot of the slope and silently began to hand out ropes.

"The first task is to attatch the rope to something at the top of the slope so that we can climb up." Lily explained.

"And we do that how?" James looked sceptical.

"I know! We can use my..."

"Shut up Sirius, I don't think anyone should take a guy wearing a pink poncho seriously!" Lily cut in.

"Is it just because I'm a marauder?" Sirius asked cheekily.

"Yes." was the simple. reply.

"Didn't stop you before!" Octavius sniggered.

"Meaning?"

"Two words... Christmas-Party!"

"What?"

"Nothing!" Octavious replied innocently.

Lily sighed and looked back towards the slope.

"What we need is a long stick or rod to throw to the top and hope it catches something. We can attach the rope to it and use it to climb up. The question is, where do we find a stick strong enoguh to hold out weight? There aren't any good branches around."

"I've got..."

"What do you mean it's never stopped her before?" James cut across Sirius. If Lily had been nice to another marauder and not him he would not be happy about it.

"Just about what happened thats all"

"What happened?" James looked suspiciosly at Octavius. Octavius sniggered and waited until everyone was waiting for his reply.

"Lily snogged REMUS!"

James stared from Octavius, to Lily, to a cowering Remus.

"No." He said simply, the idea that Lily could kiss someone other than him seemed ridiculous.

"I have photographic evidence!" Octavius taunted.

"You can't! She wouldn't! She's mine!"

"What do you mean your's? I'll kiss whoever I damn well like Potter! Sorry but your hardly my cup of tea!"

"You mean it's true then?" James felt like his stomach had just fallen into his shoes.

"It wasn't like that mate" Remus grimaced. Lily sighed as James began to change colour.

"No? Then how was it? You explain to me how you ended up kissing the woman I'm going to marry! Have you taken to biting people's lips instead of their heads now?"

"Thats enough James! I'll have you know, I've kissed half the population of Hogwarts including three out of four marauders-" James looked up hopefully "and no, not you while you were sleeping James for heavens sake! You can't stop me and I don't have to justify my actions to you! Now are we going to get off this bloody mountain or not?"

"Yes we are!" Sirius cheered "And I've got just the tool, I'll just go back into the hut and get my..."

"Hang on! Three out of four marauders?" James asked looking confused. "But Remus is only one person!"

"Yes James! Well done you can count. I have also kissed- not that it's any of your business, Sirius and Peter."

It was Sirius's turn to look confused. "Peter?"

"Some moron spiked my drink with firewhiskey, I was so drunk I had no idea who I was kissing! I thought he was..." Lily blushed and looked away. Octavius gave James an odd look.

"I remember that day"

"SIRIUS!" James suddenly yelled.

"Yes my love?" Sirius battered his eyelids but somehow ended up on the floor with James on top of him.

"STOP IT!" Lily screamed.

"I can't believe that you've kissed everyone except the one person who likes you!" James cried in despair.

"Can we get off the mountain before we freeze to death we can discuss this later!" Lily replied angrily.

James, in his anger, sat down in the snow and sulked like a todler. Lily sighed and turned away.

"Right, we'll use this plank of wood, try and attach it somehow to the top of the mountain, tie a rope to it and climb up. Sounds daft but it's the only plan we have."

"Sorry to sound sceptical, but how in the name of Merlin are we going to get that thing to stick in the snow, enough so we don't fall to our doom, or worse into James's clutches?" Remus looked fearfully over at his friend who bared his teeth.

"Well, I could..."

Sirius was interupted by Lily suddenly squeeling.

"NO! STOP!"  
"What?"

"It's James!"  
Sirius looked over at James who was staring at Lily in a very scary way.

"James mate i know your hungry, but there will be lots of little snakkies at the top of the mountain, so lets go get my..."

"Youv'e all kissed each other! I feel like an outsider! I'd rather stay here in the cold and get eaten than go anywhere with you!"

"You're in a strop just because none of us here have kissed you?" Sirius laughed with a small twinkle in his eyes, the kind he had when he was about to do something mischeivious.

"yes."

The next James knew he was in a desperate stuggle for his modesty, his best friend was grabbing him by the hair and pulling his head close to his lips.

Then came the fatal blow, James felt a warm, wet kiss planted firmly on his lips.

When he looked up however, he found Sirius lying on the ground some feet away, being restrained by Remus. Instead, Lily was standing over him.

"Now are you happy?" Lily said firmly and turned on her heel heading towards the great mountian.

"But it was such a great trick!" James barely heard Sirius's ranting and focused on the buzzing feeling he had on his lips, that he suspected had nothing to do with the cold.

The group sat in silence for several minutes, all waiting for Lily to reveal her amazing plan that would save them all and allow them to find shelter where food was availiable. As the moments wore on, Lily became more and more frustrated at the lack of help she was recieving from the men.

"Do you know what?" she rounded on them furiously "I'm not superwoman!"

"Thats debatable" whispered James lightly touching his lips. Lily chose to pretend not to hear him.

"I can't get us off this bloody mountain any more that James can stop acting like the todler, and Octavius keeping a secret!"  
The men gaped at her- she was their last hope...until...

"Are you stuck down there?" came a stuttering voice from the top of the mountain. A short, plump boy was gazing hesitantly down at them all.

"Oh no, we love sitting in the cold snow with only Remus to eat and James to snog. Don't interupt us by all means dear boy!" Sirius laughed sarcastically up at his dim witted friend whom them all recognised to be Peter Pettigrew.

"Oh" Peter looked confused for a second. "Ok then. I just thought...never mind... and I'm glad you realised your attraction to James, Sirius, me and Octavious always thought that...you know..." and with that he began to walk off. Before Sirius had the chance to decapitate Octavious however, Lily intervened.

"Peter don't go! Sirius was just being a prat! We are stuck! There is absolutely no way on earth that we can get out so please get help!"

"No way on earth did you say Lily my petal?" Sirius was grinning. "Why don't I just go fetch..."

"It's all right Sirius I know!"

""Then why are we still down here then?" Sirius cried.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"What are you talking about?"

"How I know you don't fancy James!"

"Unlike you!" Sirius retorted and Lily turned a dark shade of red that clashed with her hair.

"Oi! Someones coming, they've got a broom and you can all fly out one after the other!" Peter had returned.

"Brilliant! Thanks Pete!" Lily called looking releaved. "Were going to be free and you can all have as many cakes as you want!"

"It's just a shame we couldn't do this an hour ago!" Sirius sighed.

"Why is that my Siri?" James asked finnaly looking up.

"The snow has ruined my poncho."

They all looked at Sirius who wore an expression similar to one just been told that their pet rabbit had perished, instead of an ugly item of clothing.

"Well, next time, we'll know to bring brooms and wands!" Lily laughed, happy now that their predicament was almost at an end.

"If you'd have listened to me, you would have known that..."

"I'M THROWING THE BROOM DOWN NOW!" Peter had returned with an old broom held in his fat fist.

The others watched as Peter raised the broom into the air and prepared to thow it. They watched in anticipation as Peter's forehead furrowed in concentration, and they watched in horror as Peter sliped at the last minute, sending him hurtling down the mountain, the leaving the broom at the top.  
Unfortunately for the world, Peter's fall was broken by a branch sticking out through the snow and he landed safetely at the bottom of the mountain.

"All you had to do, was to throw the broom at us, instead your sitting with us, with no means of escape and NO FOOD! Guys, I say we eat this piece of meat!" Octavious roared and James leaped up in approval.

"Or, we could go back to the hut and get my..."

"STOP BITTING IT! I MEAN HIM!" Lily cried and leaped into the middle of the fight to seperate the men who were rolling on the ground. "I know were stuck but there must be something else!"

"Yes, there is, there is my..." Sirius was getting frustrated now, he had the tool that would get them off the mountain but no one seemed interested. The rest of his sentence was drowned out by James yelping in pain as Octavious bit him in a wild attempt to bite Peter. In all the comotion, Sirius found himself flung to the ground and his beloved poncho ripped off his back.

"NO!" he cried in despair as the bundle of pink material fell in a heap on the floor.

"You killed it! Now I'll never let you use my broom to get off the mountain!" he wailed.

"Broom?" Lily asked cautiously. "What do you mean broom?"

"I mean the one in my room under my bed!"

"You mean to tell me you had a flaming broom all along and you didn't mention it? Did it CONVIENIENTLY SLIP YOUR MIND YOU NAPPY WETTING, PIE EATING FREAK OF NATURE?"

"I tried but no one was listening!"

Lily let out a frustrated scream and kicked the nearest thing within distance, which happened to be Peter who yelped and backed away.

"Never mind" she said trying to calm herself. "You can get it now and we can all be happy!"

"Get it now? After my poncho has died? NO!"

"Sirius this is a life and death situation, James is going to kiss me goodbye if we don't get out soon!"

"I don't care!"

Lily picked up the poncho on the floor and held it up for all to see.

"I will personally rip this apart with my teeth if you don't get your broom!"

Sirius looked fearfully at his poncho. "You wouldn't!" he whispered.

"You never thought I'd kiss James but I proved you wrong about that didn't I?"

"Yes but you love James! You never loved my poncho!"

"Wouldn't it make sense then that it wouldn't hurt me to kill the poncho?"

"Oh my GOD!" Sirius excliamed.

"What now?"

"You didn't deny that you love James!"

Lily blushed and glared at Sirius.

"I'm not going to dignify that with an answer!" she waved the poncho threateningly.

"Go get the broom or I really WILL eat your bloody jumper!"

"Poncho!" Sirius cried but walked off in a resigned way none the less. In no time at all he had returned, broom in hand. The poncho was returned, albeit somewhat damaged and the gang managed to make their way up to the top of the mountain.

"I'm never going skiing again!" Sirius moaned when they were back at the main lodge. He kicked off his skii boots in disgust and sank into a chair by a fire.

"I am! Do you think Lily likes me?" James smiled excitedly choosing a seat next to Sirius.

"No, no, Jamie darling, come and sit upon my knee! Lily might like you but so do me!"

"Ok first of all thats a rubbish rhyme and seocndly...oh dear!" James did not finnish his sentence, Sirius had the gleam in his eye again that suggested that he was about to play a trick. James ran out of the lodge and did not look back until he knew that Sirius was safelty immsered in a hot cooked dinner.


	5. I actually fancy

yay! sorry it has been so long! I couldn't think of anything to write! Hope you like!

Sirius Black stumbled down the stairs of the sixth year dormitory, rapping his cloak around his shoulders as he went, blocking out the cold February draft. It was a few weeks after the skiing trip, and the students were all back at school.

"Prongs my mate? Have you seen my beauteous poncho anywhere?" He asked looking around sadly.

"Gladly not!" James replied turning back to Remus. "What was I saying? Oh yeah, so the chicken only crosses the road to get to the other side?"

"Yes! Finally!" Remus cried sounding relived.

"But why is that funny?" James asked looking confused. Remus let out an exasperated cry and raised his arms in defeat.

"My poncho is missing and all you can talk about is chickens?" Sirius looked angrily at his friends who merely looked at him.

"Where did you last have it?" said a voice coming through the portrait hole. Lily Evans stepped through and walked over to the group.

"In my school bag."

"You carry that old jumper around with you?" James laughed acknowledging his friends despair for the first time.

"Poncho you evil pureblood!" Sirius cried ignoring James's laugh.

"Evil pureblood? Who are your cousins again?"

"How dare you!" Sirius looked murderous. James realised that he had gone too far and apologised. Lily looked perplexed.

"Look, I'm sure we'll find it." Remus said comfortingly, as Sirius sank into a chair and put his arms around himself. James, feeling guilty, walked over and put an arm around his friend's shoulders. It looked as though he was using every fibre of his being not to laugh at the situation.

"Sirius, why exactly do you love your poncho?" Lily asked.

Sirius looked mortally offended and took several deep breaths before answering in a shocked tone.

"Because I happen to value its friendship and comfort!"

James and Lily exchanged perplexed glances. Remus shrugged and looked away hiding a smile.

After a few excruciatingly quiet moments, Lily pointed out that it was time for lessons. Sirius reluctantly gathered his books and made his way over to the portrait hole where Remus was wailing in despair.

"But Remus!" James whined. "I don't get why the chicken is funny!"

"Well, that was a boring lesson!" James laughed as the students walked out of Slughorn's dungeon.

"I didn't understand it!" Peter whimpered, walking into Lily who was arranging a lunch appointment with the Professor.

"Sure Professor, I will see you tomorrow!" She smiled.

"Yes Lily m'dear! And don't forget, you are very welcome to bring a friend!" Professor Slughorn waved and winked in James's direction whose heart skipped a beat.

Remus chuckled as his friend proceeded to turn a bright shade of red. Lily smiled as his reaction and then noticed Sirius with a furious expression on his face.

"Aw, jealous Sirius?" she laughed but when he proceeded to glare in the other direction she walked over and looked in the direction her friend's head was facing.

"No- way!" she gasped looking at a young boy strutting down the corridor wearing none other than Sirius's beloved poncho.

"Sirius mate, isn't that your jumper?" Octavious asked walking up behind the group. Sirius growled in reply and started forward. Peter squealed and burrowed his head into Remus's chest who snorted disgustedly. Before any of the others could stop him, he had charged up to the young boy brandishing his fists as he went.

"You complete arse! Get it off before I permanently remove your cheeks, and I'm not talking about the ones on your face!" He cried. The boy laughed.

"I don't think so brother dear! It's much more fun watching you suffer!" He sneered tweaking a lose thread from the poncho as he spoke.

"Regulus Black if you don't take it off this instant…"

"You'll have us to answer to!" James roared shouldering his friend. Lily looked at the scene and for one second Remus could have sworn he was a look of admiration cross her face, but as quickly as it appeared it was replaced by a look of annoyance.

"Don't you dare sink to his level!" she said dangerously.

"You might be blind in your love for James, but my brother taking my favourite possession is something you have to be able to see!" Sirius rounded on her angrily. James watched as Lily blushed.

"Are you blushing Evans?" he asked her with a smile on his face.

"Only because he is so incredibly wrong that it's embarrassing!" she retorted blushing harder.

"Come on Evans, if you fancy me, you can just say so and I'll gladly take you to Slug's party!"

Lily looked furiously at James before smiling very sweetly and turning to Sirius.

"Perhaps, you are the blind one Sirius!" she said in a sweet voice. Gulping she continued.

"It is you, I have wanted all along!" The mouths on all of the boys dropped open in shock.

"Wh…What?" Sirius stuttered.

"You heard me!" she replied seductively, taking a step towards him. "I love the way your hair lays so smoothly, it's… cute. And erm… the way your eyes sparkle… and your laugh is very erm… manly!" She chanced a look at James who was watching the scene with a look of horror on his face. She felt a thrill of satisfaction course through her veins, leading her on. She raised a hand and pushed her fingers though Sirius hair who raised his eyes just as seductively.

"In that case, will I be receiving an invitation to your party?" He asked a smile playing on his lips. Lily nodded and leant forwards, planting a small kiss them.

Behind them, James snorted in disbelief and walked off, noting as he went Regulus swaggering off waving the poncho above his head in triumph.

Please review! xxx


	6. Have a sausage!

**Thank you so much to my reviewers, it really made my day! Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

"Come on mate, it was a joke!" Sirius cried throwing himself onto the sofa in the common room.

"Didn't seem like it to me." James huffed, folding his arms across his chest. Remus laughed- he thought James looked like an oversized toddler.

"It's not like were together or anything!" Sirius said looking at his best friend.

"She kissed you and you offered to take her to Slug's party."

"And she said yes! I didn't make her!" Sirius moaned.

"But you asked her!"

"But she said yes!"

"But you asked her! You wanted her to say yes!" James said waving an accusing finger at Sirius.

"What I want is irrelevant. She still said yes!"

"She never said yes to me!"

"That's because you're an arsehole, mate!" Sirius laughed patting his friend on the back.

"Beg yours?"

"That is you're erm… a fine young man who just can't erm… well you act like an arsehole."

"Not much better Sirius" Remus noted from over the top of his book.

"Well, you are!" Sirius cried defensively. "You're a git!"

"Excuse me, I'm the victim here! You're meant to be apologising to me not insulting me! And besides, you're an arsehole too!"

"An arsehole?" Sirius exclaimed looking offended. "That's low James, even for you." And with that he got up and left the room. James looked at Remus confused.

"How is it ok that when he calls me names it's alright, but when I call him the same thing, he becomes a hormonal teenage girl?"

"No idea Prongs, I'm not from his planet." Remus replied, turning a page in his book.

After several minutes of confused silence, James decided to go down to the great hall for breakfast. He chuckled with delight at the sight that met his eyes.

Mountains of Cumberland sausages, bacon butties, eggs of all varieties, black pudding, hash browns and bowls of mushrooms, tomatoes and fried bread. The FULL English breakfast.

The instant he sank his teeth into one of the warm butties with melted butter dripping off the bacon, he forgot his sorrows about Sirius and Lily. That is until he looked up over the sausage mountain.

It had been so high before that he hadn't noticed. But now some of the thick sausages were pilled onto his plate, instead of the mountain, the mountain was now a hill and he could see over it.

There, just behind the most delightful sausage he had ever seen in his life, besides the ones on his plate, was the most delightful girl he had ever seen in his life, locking lips with the most evil arsehole he had ever seen in his life.

"Sirius?" he asked politely. Sirius kindly obliged and pulled away from the girl.

"Yes?"

"Have a sausage"

"You what?"

"A sausage." And with that, he grabbed the biggest Cumberland sausage known to Hogwarts kind, smothered it in ketchup and stuffed it into his friend's mouth.

"Rather good today, don't you think?"

Sirius chewed fiercely and swallowed the sausage looking murderous.

"You know damn well James, that I only like Lincolnshire sausages and that was a bloody Cumberland!"

"Oh but they were so juicy, I wouldn't want you to miss out!" James replied batting his eyelids.

"I can't believe you're fighting over sausages." Lily moaned hiding her head in her arms.

"You're right, we shouldn't fight about sausages." Sirius sighed apologetically.

James looked at his friend. The apologetic note was there, but so was the mischievous glint he had come to associate with Sirius.

"Have and egg!" Sirius cried tossing a fried egg onto his friend's face. The yoke broke as it hit his face, making it look like he had a runny eye.

"Or do you prefer them scrambled?" he gave a war cry and tipped the bowl of eggs onto his friends head.

"Or boiled?" he cried picking one up out of the basket. James retaliated and seized the biggest, longest black pudding in all of Scotland and began waving it around, trying to hit Sirius but being unsuccessful, and hitting the love of his life, Lily, instead, as his face was still obscured by the fried egg.

"Bloody hell! I'm never dating either of you!" Lily leaped out of her seat, narrowly avoiding a missile of fried bread.

"My girlfriend" Sirius cried in despair.

"My love!" James sank to his knees. The egg fell of his face with a splat.

"You lost me my girl!" Sirius yelled at him.

"I saw her first!"

"But she hates you!"

"I know!" James cried. He looked down at his hands. "I know."

Sirius suddenly felt bad for his best friend. James really liked Lily and he had only made things worse.

"You're not really an arsehole." He said rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Yeah I am."

"No, you're a top friend, my best friend. I was an arsehole, you were right."

"No, I am. What kind of friend forces his best friend to eat a Cumberland sausage when they prefer Lincolnshire?" James said seriously.

Remus looked at James sitting on the floor, so Sirius with a slice of fried bread on his head.

"Barmy." He said and walked off.

"It wasn't bad for a Cumberland though" Sirius said fairly.

"It was Cumberland none the less."

"I'll forgive you. I'll even help you to win Lily over!" Sirius laughed enthusiastically. Almost maniacal.

"I think we have bigger fish to fry." James said darkly looking up.

"Fish? Oh dear Lord, I've given you concussion with a boiled egg!" he cried rushing to his friends side.

"No, I'm talking about that!" James said pointing behind Sirius.

There stood Regulus Black posing in his brother's beloved poncho.

"Suits my complexion wouldn't you say!" He laughed, giving the two boys a twirl in his new garment.

Sirius suddenly gave a huge war cry and started forward with a fresh bowl of boiled eggs, James in tow with a now broken ring of black pudding.

"I'll get you, you mark my words!"

When it was clear that they were not going to catch up with Regulus, Sirius turned to his friend.

"We've lost him."

"But it won't be long until he resurfaces." James grinned evilly.

"And when he does, he's going to wish he had never been born."

**Hey, I hope you enjoyed it. I think you can tell I'm on a diet- i might be a veggie but omg, do bacon butties and cumberland sausages look good when you're eating rabbit food!**

**Please review!**

**Lili**

**xxx**


End file.
